I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
