I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
