shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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