just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
