I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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