God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
