Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
