Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
