i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
