Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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