You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
