It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
