Apparently you make a good broom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
