So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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