How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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