ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
