Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
