Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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