so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
