I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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