her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize