we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
