My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
