Can i not drive my cunt home
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
