It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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