Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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