so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
