Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
