Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize