Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
