I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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