If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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