I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
