just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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