I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
