So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
