I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
