I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
home. puking in laundry basket.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
