...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
