God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
