Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
