omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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