Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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