HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
