Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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