I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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