smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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