Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
