I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
