I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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