i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
