i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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