I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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