some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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