You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
