**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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