Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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