I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
