Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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