girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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