I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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