so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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