have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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