When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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