i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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