I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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