At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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