that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
