I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
