i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
