the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
