I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
